"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution" ~Kahlil Gibran Over the 42 years that I have been counseling individuals and couples, I have heard countless times: "If I cry in movies people will think I’m weak

"I have a question about envy I'm not talking about jealousy but specifically envy and how to be happy for someone else's good fortune

A member of Inner Bonding Village asked the following question: "I'm a little confused My mother is visiting me, and sometimes we have a nice time together

"Your children are not your children They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself

"There's too much to do You'll never get it all done

What creates your misery Junk

Rianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict It wasn't the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue

"It's really important that you feel good Because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the universe and starts to attract more of itself to you

Most of us know that expressing heartfelt gratitude is a powerful way to raise our frequency and connect with our spiritual Guidance Yet many people rarely or never express gratitude, and when they do, it is more rote than truly heartfelt

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either" - Golda Meir Do you have a lid on your tears

Are you ready to be your own person Are you ready to move beyond neediness and into emotional freedom

I recently received the following request: "Hi Dr Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs

How often do you withhold the truth from someone important to you - your partner, friend, parent, child, co-worker - because you know he or she will get angry rather than care about you How you do feel when you don't speak your truth about something that is important to you

Do you ever find yourself thinking things like: * I'd better give her a call or she will think I don't like her * If I do what I want to do he will be mad

All of us, as we were growing up, learned a myriad of ways to try to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe One of the ways we might have learned is to lie

What if there really is ONE major cause of relationship problems, one issue that if you address, would change everything The good news and the bad news is - there is

Peter had been working with me on the phone for a number of months He had sought my help because of problems in his relationship with his wife, Anika

Caring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself up Even though the actions of caring and the actions of caretaking might look exactly the same, the intention is totally different, so the energy of the actions is also completely different

Angelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval

"Let's talk tonight," said Callie "Oh no, not again

Most of us have many goals in life These goals might have to do with work, finances, relationships and family

Frequently, my clients and members of our website ask me, "Is my relationship healthy How do I know if it is healthy

What does it mean to emotionally heal It means that you know what you are thinking or doing that causes fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on, and how to learn from and heal these painful feelings

Our country is stretched to the limit due to the cost of health care Even with the new health care bill, there will be on going conflict over what we should do to provide people with affordable health care

"I feel so frustrated when Mark is late," complained Shauna, during our phone session "What am I supposed to do with all this frustration

When we were growing up, we experienced many life situations that caused us deep heartbreak Any time we lost someone we loved, or we were yelled at, ridiculed, shamed, ignored, not seen or connected with, physically or sexually abused, or treated in any other unloving ways, our little hearts broke

Very often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, "I feel sad" Often, they do not know why they feel sad

I have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing - the one vital choice - that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment - to protect against pain and responsibility for it, or to open to learning from our pain and take responsibility for it

I am sitting with Bryan at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives Bryan is talking about one thing after another, and I cannot follow him at all

"I keep getting into more and more debt, but I can't seem to stop I do great for a while, and then I just have to go shopping and buy stuff

Take a moment to go inside and see how you define success Is your success defined by: * How much money you have

We all want to be respected by others And, we would all love to have control over whether or not others treat us respectfully

Are you love or approval addicted * Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship

The fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship

Celine, an only child, was 7 years old, her mother died tragically in a car accident She and her father were devastated

Do you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others

What are you afraid of if you say "No" to people Here are some of the things my clients have told me regarding their fear of saying no: "I'm afraid of hurting their feelings

Are you emotionally dependent You might want to go through this checklist

"My husband never lets me explain anything to him It's so frustrating

There are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions: 1 What you are going to do to accomplish your goals 2

Of course, most people will say that they really want to be healthy, but what are you willing to DO to be healthy And what are you willing to NOT DO to be healthy

What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate" The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate

We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes

"I have an everyday religion that works for me Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line

Clifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life

Ed consulted with me because he was concerned about his 16 year-old son "He doesn't have any friends

"I feel awful saying this," Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, "but I often wish my husband would die I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot

WHAT IS SOCIAL PHOBIA Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on

Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse

"When it is helpful to apologize" asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions